Simple English

I used to be in favour of writing in Simple English. I rarely achieved it - I lean heavily towards verbosity - but it seemed to be a goal worth aspiring to.

Today's xkcd directed me to the Simple English Wikipedia. A cursory inspection has reminded me that Simple English is disturbingly close to Newspeak, which I note with amusement is a concept that doesn't have a page in the Simple English Wiki. Fifteen things described as "good" and "very good" in under a minute was enough to scare me off the whole Simple English movement. We have a complex language so that we can express complex thoughts; sometimes simpler really is dumber.

I'll probably swing back to simplicity eventually but in the mean time I really want to revel in the fact that I have a whole rainbow of words for expressing approval above and beyond "good".

Some Of The Finer Points Of Lego Batman

There will be a full review of Lego Batman in time; the short version will be that it's better than Lego Indy without being actually good. Some of its high points:

* You can play as the Joker, you can get his costume from the cover of The Killing Joke, and you can shoot Barbara Gordon in the spine.

* You can play as Bane and break Batman's back across your knee. (There is an Achievement for this.)

* You can punch Dick Grayson in the face until his head falls off.

That's a good start, but I was disappointed to find that Jason Todd is not present to recreate his fateful encounter with the Joker, and neither Black Mask nor Spoiler are available to continue the theme. I would also have liked, for comic effect, Thomas and Martha Wayne - when Martha Wayne breaks into her lego pieces she should spill little pearl-coloured studs.

I guess some dreams are not meant to be.

Wanted

I went into Wanted with low expectations. It seemed reasonable that Wanted might be about as crapulent as the mediocre-but-watchable Jumper.

I set the bar too high. Way, way too high. Wanted is garbage from beginning to end.

The development of the movie goes as follows: noted comics writer Mark Millar (The Ultimates; Superman: Red Son) created a comic called Wanted. Later, a wandering tribe of barely pubescent orangutans made a completely unrelated film with the same name. Angelina Jolie stars.

To Hollywood executives that must have sounded like a one-hundred-proof bottle of win, but as so often happens they were so massively wrong that they tore a hole in space/time that even now remains in the ruins of their LA apartment gradually consuming our universe from the inside.

The plot follows white-collar worker Wesley Gibson. Wesley is what you'd get if Edward Norton's character from Fight Club were played by Hayden Christensen. No sooner has Wesley delivered a painfully whiny narration about his annoyingly pathetic life than he's inducted into a mysterious fraternity of super-assassins.

These assassins, descended from (I kid you not) homicidal medaeval weavers, are busily involved in killing off random citizens on the instructions of their magical loom. Wesley is put to work in the service of the all-powerful-loom, while simultaneously training to take down a powerful former assassin who's now gone rogue.

That may seem like an abridged version of the plot but if you make the mistake of seeing Wanted you'll realise that, no, that's the full monty. Super-assassins. They can curve bullets, which would be awesome were it not used so absolutely ludicrously. Also, their hyper-adrenaline lets them slow down time, which you would think would be a good excuse for gratuitous bullet-time effects but in actuality leads to a lot of tedious regular-style slow motion. With the possible exception of Angelina Jolie, no one in this film looks good in slow motion. There's not a lot of awesome slow mo fighting but there is a lot of non-awesome slow mo fat-bounce and jowl-wiggle. It's really quite disturbing.

The writers of Wanted clearly thought that they were both funny and awesome. The director thought it too, and helfpully inserted lots of pauses for the audience to laugh and gasp in. The writers, though, are not funny, and they are very definitely not awesome. Morgan Freeman is in this movie, and his wittiest line is "Oh, fuck me." When Morgan Freeman is in your movie and you still can't pull off witty or urbane then there is something deeply, deeply wrong.

I think some people will get enjoyment from Wanted but those people will be able to get equal enjoyment from throwing rocks at other rocks, which is cheaper. For the rest of us, this is an absolute no-go. I give it a solid rating of "not even if you liked Jumper."

Iron Man

Iron Man is such an absolutely perfect adaptation of a comic book that it will make you spitting mad at all those studios who got it wrong.

Director Jon Favreau captures in one movie everything that ever made Iron Man good, from Tales of Suspense #39 ("He lives! He walks! He conquers!") right through to the Tony Stark of The Ultimates and Civil War. The love for the charater oozes from every frame and comes through in every line of dialogue; this is an iconic and authoritative interpretation of Iron Man that will endear itself to comic fans and the general public alike.

Robert Downey Jr plays Tony Stark, playboy, millionaire, and head of Stark Enterprises, a major weapons manufacturer. While touring Afghanistan to demonstrate his new missile system, Stark is wounded by his own weapons captured by the terrorist cell The Ten Rings, who attempt to force him to duplicate his lethal missiles. What he builds instead is Iron Man, a suit of battle armour with which he defeats his captors and escapes back to America.

Upon his return, Stark vows to stop his company's manufacturing of weapons, but is opposed by childhood mentor Obadiah Staines (Jeff Bridges), who intends to replicate the Iron Man armour and sell it to the Ten Rings. With the aid of friend Jim Rhodes (Terrence Howard) and secretary "Pepper" Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow), Stark develops a next-generation Iron Man suit and confronts Staines, now become the Ironmonger, in a final showdown.

Robert Downey Jr is unspeakably excellent as Tony Stark, a performance enabled by the script's fantastic characterisation and dialogue. You get the impression that you'd be happy to watch an entire movie about this guy even if he never once stepped near a suit of flying battle armour. Paltrow is likewise strong as Potts. Jim Rhodes and the Ironmonger are not quite so instantly enjoyable but they get by on the strength of the rest of the film.

One of the film's key successes is its tech fetishism. This is a story about tech geeks. Whether it's the villain riding on a segue, or Tony Stark testing his Iron Man suit in his car park, the film constantly makes it clear that these are people who are on a first-name basis with cutting-edge technology, and who do what they do because engineering is cool. With the exception of a rather awkward scene involving Pepper Potts and a computer, the sci-fi tech is a credible extrapolation of current military hardware and civilian consumer trends. You will believe that it could be built.

The first half of the movie, detailing Iron Man's origin story, is absolutely flawless. There is not a single element to criticise from the opening scenes through to Stark's escape from the Ten Rings.

The second half is a little weaker, mostly arising from problems with the Obadiah Staines character. Staines' master plan is never really fleshed out, and the character goes from ruthless businessman to violent psychopath without any real reason or motivation. The final fight between Stark and Staines also has an unsatisfactory conclusion, and throughout that sequence the film has the regular problem of superhero movies, which is that masks don't show emotion.

Still, the movie ends on a high note that will leave you cheering, and if you sit through the credits you'll get to see Samuel L Jackson playing Nick Fury, which is worth cheering about all over again.

This is easily one of the best superhero movies ever made, going right up there with Batman Begins and whichever one of the first two Spider-Man films is your favourite. It's also probably among the best films of this year, which is impressive considering the strong company it's already in. Don't miss this at the cinema - see it at your earliest opportunity.

Batman - History Repeats

Via Twentysided: a comparison of the 1989 Batman trailer and the 2008 Dark Knight trailer.



That surely can't be coincidence.

Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe

Not a joke.

Infinitely Dodgy

[Comics]

I spotted this review of Batman Annual #25 over at The Angriest last night. (WARNING: Contains spoilers!)

This one hasn't arrived in my local comic shop yet (either that or it sold out) so I haven't had a chance to check it out for myself. But the review pretty much confirms my worst fears. DC's latest huge cross-over event, Infinite Crisis has been used to:
a) Launch several new titles of dubious merit (Ion, Blue Beetle, Shadowpact)
b) Revamp some ailing older titles with a new focus (Aquaman, Legion of Super Heroes)
c) Bring some well deserved attention to some excellent but underexposed titles (Outsiders, Teen Titans), and, relevantly,
d) Ruin what is arguably DC's most continually excellent flagship title, Batman.

Infinite Crisis should NEVER have been allowed to mess with Batman continuity. Bah. Shame on you, DC.

Meanwhile, I highly recommend the runs of both Outsiders and Teen Titans from the Graduation Day event through to the present (about two years worth of issues). These are some of the best superhero comics I've read this year (and I've read a lot this year). Your local comic shop can help you identify the relevant trade paperbacks - do yourself a favour and pick a couple up!