Simple English

I used to be in favour of writing in Simple English. I rarely achieved it - I lean heavily towards verbosity - but it seemed to be a goal worth aspiring to.

Today's xkcd directed me to the Simple English Wikipedia. A cursory inspection has reminded me that Simple English is disturbingly close to Newspeak, which I note with amusement is a concept that doesn't have a page in the Simple English Wiki. Fifteen things described as "good" and "very good" in under a minute was enough to scare me off the whole Simple English movement. We have a complex language so that we can express complex thoughts; sometimes simpler really is dumber.

I'll probably swing back to simplicity eventually but in the mean time I really want to revel in the fact that I have a whole rainbow of words for expressing approval above and beyond "good".

Pandemic of Nun-Punching

I have been known, on occasion, to describe things as "nun-punchingly bad", "nun-punchingly hard", or "so terrible that it punches nuns right in the face." The theory goes that there are three things that we as a society can agree are objectively bad - kicking puppies, punching nuns, and Hitler.

Friend, reader and generally awesome dude Phrancq warned me the other day that this phrase had in some fashion gotten loose from my blog and was now stalking the interweb looking for blood. Phrancq also claimed that I stole the phrase from him, and he in some fashion stole it from Jhonen Vasquez. My response is that Phrancq kicks puppies. Right-minded people agree.

In support of the "rogue language" threat alert, I helpfully offer examples drawn from the interweb:

1) The Magdalene Sisters was apparently a "nun-punchingly great movie".

2) Suggesting that the Tool song "The Pot" is about Mesopotamia is a "nun-punchingly stupid idea".

3) Salvia divinorum is a "nun-punchingly evil drug".

4) The following people are known to punch nuns: Tom Cruise, Jon Stewart, Sarah Palin, and any number of internet forum trolls. Apparently people who punch nuns are also highly likely to kick puppies, spit on kittens, drink the blood of babies and/or salute Hitler. Objectively bad.

Has anyone else spotted examples of people popularising a phrase which I totally invented and did not in any way steal? Failing that, have you, as a reader, managed to convince anyone that this is a real phrase which is in parlance among the hip children? If not, you totally should. Tell stories.

Endangered Words

Some of my favourite words are in danger of extinction! The Collins Dictionary people have made a list of some otiose verbage they'll be dropping in future editions as part of a scheme to get some cheap publicity make their publication more relevant. Check out the story.

Periapt is on the list. Clearly these people are not gamers. The periapt is a vital neck slot item which serves as a much needed alternative to the "amulet", "necklace" or "pendant". Based on its historical origins, it is most likely to confer benefits to one's health or vitality. A robust thesaurus of medieval casualwear is the backbone of any good loot table.

The portmanteau terms compossible and embrangle are similarly in the line of fire. These are totally not real words but that's no reason to leave them out of the dictionary. The deliberate obfuscation of our own language is the only thing that separates us from the French. From the French.

Exuviate (to shed, in the manner of skin) is a word that I used in casual conversation just last week. True story. Possibly that says more about me than it does the dictionary.

Apparently muliebrity means "the condition of being a woman", which is absolutely something that needs its own word. I'm pretty sure that this is going straight to the top of "words my friends are immediately sick of me using".

In any case, you should definitely check the list and begin using as many items from it as possible. Levelling up your word-fu and confounding the weak-minded go hand in hand, and both those things are more fun than swimming in sherbert, so you've really got no excuse.