Thursday, March 23, 2006

Ugly, Ugly Puppies

[Oddities] [Pets]

My ever-resourceful girlfriend has directed me to, in which the pictures of unfortunate puppies are forced to engage in horrible Darwinian combat. The concept makes me fuzzy in my happy places. Upon entry to the site you are confronted with the pictures of two puppies, and visitors are asked to choose which one is "cutest". The winner advances to greater glory; the loser is voted off the island, and presumably put down by well trained vets. (I have no evidence to back this theory, but it stands to reason.) Meanwhile, you, the visitor, get to continue picking favourites among pairs of puppies until, I can only assume, eventually you suffer a repetitive stress injury and fall down.

A quick visit to the "top dogs" (the ones who've been euthanased least often) will reveal a selection of ugly, ugly canines. Further proof that evolution doesn't work and we should begin culling everyone who possesses more natural advantages than we do immediately. These dogs make baby Jeebers cry. Correspondingly, a look at the "underdogs" (whose flesh is even now being fed to cattle as a cheap grain-alternative) will prove another theory of mine - that everyone hates poodles.

And if this nauseating selection of puppies from the "remedial" class at the gene school isn't doing it for you, then bring your eyeballs round to the Kitten Alternative, where you can do it all over again to the Animals That Nobody Likes (TM).

Stop it! Don't give them your sympathy! They'd kill us all in our sleep, given half the chance. (Contrary to what Snopes would have you believe.)


Julia B said...

Funnily enough, I was just speaking of Kittens -

Julia B said...

Gah! I am hooked, and I want a dog!

On a wider note, I have learned two things from this site. Puppies always win, and I'm almost the only person in existence who likes chihuahuas.

This is my favourite dog:


Stu said...

My favourite dog:

But I am biased. :)

Stu said...

I am intrigued by your cuteness assessment. The top dogs are selected for maximum appeal, making them appear more generic. The dogs in the 60-70% range show a clearer "doggishness" and, in general, a higher individual cute factor.

GregT said...

My work fails me again; apparently puppies are a security threat and must be excluded by our firewall. I can only assume that my work knows something that I don't - I will immediately follow their lead and begin exterminating all puppies I see before they can engage in terrorist activities. Remember, people, remain alarmed but not alert!

Stu, your mathematics are faulty. Cute = size of eyes divided by number of limbs times how many times it's fallen into a box, bin, drawer, or pile of clothes.